Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
