you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
