Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
