its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ugly people sure do ruin things
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
should my penis look like a turkey
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
