We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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