We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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