i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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