she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
