never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
