i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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