Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
