I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
