first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Where is the hickey?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
