And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
