did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
