Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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