I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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