she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
