I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
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the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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