i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize