I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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