I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
