My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
