There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
