What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize