bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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