worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
