I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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