just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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