just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
