It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A+ Viking dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
