If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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