everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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