do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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