Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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