i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
