I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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