dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
