just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
