sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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