I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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