Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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