I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
