I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
