GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
