i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
