know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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