Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
