If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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