ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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