The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
