is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
