i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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