so that wasnt chicken after all
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I touched a dick in church today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
