So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
