He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
