So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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