My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
