batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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