Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
