Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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