Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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