So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
