There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
