I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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