jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
