two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
