it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
