Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
