Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's not cheating when I paid for it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
