My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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