So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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