My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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