what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
