i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Randomize
