You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
