OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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