Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
