he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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