I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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