So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
