nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
