I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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