i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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